Welcome to my fearless (because I may be dead by the time the season its over) predictions for the 2023 NFL season. Let’s go division by division:
AFC East - the Dolphins and Jets both lose their quarterbacks to injury and the Bills take the division. Robert Saleh publicly trashes his offensive line again and again after the Rodgers injury and is fired. Do the Pats make the playoffs? Yes, but they sneak in as the last wild card on the backs of the defense.
Will Mac lead the Pats to the playoffs? No, but the D will.
AFC North - the Steelers and the Browns are better than last year, but it’s the Ravens and Bengals battling for this division title. I have a huge man-crush on Ja’marr Chase so I’m taking the Bengals here.
Ja'Marr Chase - your 2023 receiving yards and TD leader.
AFC South - the Colts are bad and the Texans are worse, although I am predicting a breakout season for Texans wide receiver John Metchie III (you heard it here first!). The Titans seemed like they had an injury on every play last year, so they should bounce back to the playoffs, but the division title goes to Trevor Lawrence and the Jaguars.
Why the long face Trevor? I predicted you to win the division!
AFC West - Chiefs win it again. Chargers take second place and a playoff spot. Jimmy G and Russell Wilson have a contest to see who is closest to being washed up. Wilson wins and Sean Peyton physically explodes on the sidelines.
Justin Herbert, sick of Austin Ekeler whining, goes with the 100% passing offense and dominates all passing stats for 2023.
NFC East - despite someone constantly telling me and everyone else that the Commanders will take this division, I’m going with the Eagles. Dak is still Dak. Daniel Jones and Saquon have good years, but it’s not enough for the division title.
The Double-Move podcast has this guy leading the league in everything.
NFC North - Lions and Vikings tie for the division lead, but Dan Campbell wins the kneecap eating contest to break the tie. Justin Fields is just okay, but better than Jordan Love. Packers take hold of the division basement.
Hide your kneecaps, the Lions are coming!
NFC South - the whole division goes 8-9 but the Panthers win the divisional tie-breaker. Bijan Robinson sucks, despite all the preseason accolades. Mike Evans plays for a new contract and on multiple occasions cuts in front of the intended receiver in the end zone to pad his stats.
A renewed career in Carolina for Adam Theilen? Yes!
NFC West - the 49ers dominate the division and run the NFC playoff table to the Super Bowl. Geno Smith regresses. Cooper Kupp comes back after his preseason injury and decides to retire. The Cardinals stink.
Why is Nick Bosa smiling? Because I picked the 49ers to go to the Super Bowl? Nope. Because he just signed a HUGE contract? Yes.
AFC Division Winners: Bills, Bengals, Jags, Chiefs
AFC Wild Card Teams: Titans, Chargers, Patriots
NFC Division Winners: Eagles, Lions, Panthers, 49ers
NFC Wild Card Teams: Vikings, Cowboys, Giants
AFC Championship Game: Chiefs over Bengals
NFC Championship Game: 49ers over Eagles
Super Bowl Champions: Chiefs
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