Yesterday I decided to waste nearly three hours of my life watching Netflix documentaries about two of the most unlikable professional athletes of the last decade.
"Holy shit Will, I know you don't have a real job but is this really the kind of crap you've been doing on a daily basis? Sitting around watching documentaries with your grimy hands six inches deep into a tub of Utz Cheese Balls?"
Relax there, reader. Utz Cheese Balls are a spectacular snack.
Sorry. Let's get back to the task at hand. College football legend Johnny Manziel and influencer-turned-boxer Jake Paul are the focus of two new documentaries on Netflix which highlight their respective careers as fame-mongering, money-guzzling athletes.
I'm not in the business of outright spoiling anything, so I won't, but I'd like to share a few conclusions I've reached after watching these docs back-to-back. If you haven't watched them already, feel free to revisit these once you've done so:
Johnny Manziel is a way bigger douche than Jake Paul
If Manziel gave even a single shit about playing football, he would probably be halfway through a Hall of Fame career right now in the NFL
Jake and Logan Paul were not even remotely funny as YouTubers/Viners
"You know Will, it doesn't take a genius to figure this stuff out. Quit blogging your average opinions and get back to chowing down on that Popeye's spicy chicken sandwich."
Just for the record: despite my... "less-than-ideal" figure, I haven't had Popeye's in a couple of years. I swear!
I digress. Let's flesh these conclusions out a little bit (alright, these are for sure SPOILERS, so beware):
I feel pretty bad for Manziel because it's clear he struggles with some serious mental health issues. HOWEVER, that's never an excuse to be a dick. This guy lied about having oil money to cover up his illegal autograph operation, stopped giving a shit about his family once he became famous, and couldn't be bothered to watch film or stay sober the night before a game despite being paid $7 million by the Browns to be their franchise QB. Sure, maybe Jake Paul is obnoxious, and it's definitely a little sketchy that he had a bunch of firearms in his mansion, but he's not a liar, he never abandoned his family despite some rough patches, and he actually cares about the job that pays him millions and millions of dollars.
Watching those Texas A&M Johnny Football highlights reminded he how electric this kid was. I don't care that he was an unorthodox passer and a little too off-script; Manziel could single-handedly put your team on his back and win you a football game. You can't say that about many guys. He was the best player in the country as a FRESHMAN. I swear if this dude decided to watch even a minute of film per week in the pros, we'd be talking about him right now in the same breath as Matt Stafford and Russell Wilson pre-2022.
Seriously. That shit was not very funny. I have no idea how these two idiots got famous. Admittedly, I'm a fan of their current acts (Logan as a podcaster/WWE guest superstar, Jake as a crude PPV boxer), but I can't believe they built a name for themselves by being so unfunny for so long. Someone explain that to me.
Well that's my two cents. Take it or leave it. I'm gonna go lay down on the couch and think about Taco Bell.
Will Manzi, Founder and CEO of Required Knowledge, Host of "My Apologies" and "The Required Knowledge Show", Co-Curator of "Will Watch"
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